Walking with a limp

I've had sciatica now for 34 days. In case you don't know, sciatica is a painful condition down the length of one leg caused by a trap sciatic nerve. It's not life-threatening, but it is definitely not life-enhancing either as it is uncomfortable and inconvenient. It is most painful when walking, and especially so when going down stairs, so I'm glad we live in a bungalow! But it has caused me to walk with a limp, and to identify with that wily Old Testament character Jacob in a new and deeper way.

I've always made a great deal about the fact that after his encounter with God at Peniel Jacob walked with a limp (Genesis 32:31-32, and see my post of 1st February). I've never read any commentary suggesting Jacob had sciatica, but I think he might have had! Anyway, there are some clear spiritual lessons to be drawn from the experience of walking with a limp.

First of all, it slows you down. Jacob had to ask his brother Esau to go ahead of him, and I find myself doing the same with my wife. We are so used to living a hectic life, and slowing down is never easy... until you walk with a limp, and then rushing is impossible. Which is no bad thing in the spiritual life, because it helps us to eliminate hurry from our lives and to live more contemplatively.

Secondly, it makes you humble, especially if you are a man. It weakens you, and undermines your physical capabilities. It takes away from your natural strength, and it is rather embarrassing to find yourself disabled, even for a short time. Pride is present in us all, especially men, and God opposes it. He reserves his grace for those who are humble.

Thirdly, it makes you dependent. Jacob is to be seen leaning on his staff and worshipping God (Hebrews 11:21), actions expressing his physical and spiritual dependency. I have so far declined my wife's kind offer to buy me a walking stick, but it is the proud, independent self that God has to weaken in us. We were made to live in creaturely dependence upon him, and this is the heart of the spiritual life.

Fourthly, it makes you vulnerable, not only because of the pain, but because we are incapacitated. I realised myself that if I had to run across the road to avoid the traffic, I probably wouldn't make it; or if I were confronted by muggers, I would not be able to flee. Sobering thoughts. Vulnerability is however a deeply spiritual quality. It is good to feel pain, albeit in a small way, so we can identify with others in real pain; to know limitations and weakness, so we can share with those who feel powerless. Most of all, to be vulnerable before God and admit our great need of him.

I have of course prayed daily for my healing, and so have others. People say it can take six weeks to recover. I don't know why I am not healed yet, but at least I have been able to understand Jacob a bit more deeply!