Now I'm 64! A birthday blog.

As a teenager I loved The Beatles and sang along with everyone else, ‘Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty four?’ I doubt that the Fab Four could even contemplate themselves what it would be like to reach such a milestone back then, although most of them do now. As for a young 14 year old, 64 was just a number, an age beyond my comprehension, an eternity away. But not anymore; the milestone has been reached. I am 64!

I’m grateful to God for the years that have passed, filled in so many ways with examples of his goodness, and panning out in ways I never expected or could have anticipated. There have been many good days, a few not-so-good days, but on the whole life has been kind to me and I have much to be thankful for; but now, with just one more year before ‘retirement’ (whatever that means and however it will look) I am more than ever conscious of my age, and thinking about how I want to spend the years ahead of me – however many I may be granted.

I’ve been drawn to start considering the ‘spirituality of ageing’, what it means to live these later years according to the agenda of God, meeting both the particular challenges and unique opportunities that growing old presents from the perspective of faith. There is not a lot written about it, and not much is taught about it in our churches, so I know there is a wide door of opportunity to teach on this subject. At the same time, I know I have to live it too, bringing God into the mix of my own life post-64. So I am learning firstly for my own benefit, but also secondly that I may help others in their later pilgrimage.

First up has been the question of how to prepare for ‘retirement’ since next year I will receive my State pension, and in theory can afford to slow down and take things a little easier. But how to do that when you are an active person, used to being on the go, and enjoying a broad field of operation? The picture that has come to me often is that of a Jumbo jet coming in to land. About 45 minutes out of London, and whilst we are still over Europe, the captain usually announces ‘we are beginning our descent’. You cannot bring a massive jet, with hundreds of passages and tons of luggage on board, into land without a carefully timed descent. Likewise, I have felt that as I approach retirement I have to begin slowing down now, gradually making an adjustment to my commitments and responsibilities, carefully letting go of some of my involvements so that it does not all happen in one go.

This transition is not easy and involves loss and grief. I have already given up my role as Pastoral Carer for MAF in Africa. Last week was my last trip to Singapore to be with my Mentoring Group. These involvements have meant a great deal to me, but I am aware that the time has come to give them back to God; he gave me these openings and now I offer them back to him, but it hurts. Other avenues of service have naturally come to an end, like the closure of Bawtry Hall where I have been involved for 20 years. There is a sense of a change of season in ministry, as well as a new passage of life.

I know from God that now is the time to be at home more, to travel less, to be available to my family, to care for my health, and to have more space in my life for God to fill. I have the sense that a ‘surprise’ awaits me, although I have no idea what kind of surprise! This year will be a year of slowing down, and then from March 2015 having a 3 month sabbatical. After that, who knows? I will still write, I will still lead retreats, I will ….. Well, that’s for God to direct, and I look forward to finding out in due course what he has in mind for me, even if there is a surprise element to it.

For the moment I am enjoying my birthday, feeling loved, and feeling blessed. With God’s help and grace I want to keep walking in his ways and doing his will. The words of Psalm 84 come to mind: ‘Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage …. They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion (v5 and 7).’

Let the train take the strain?

Those who live in the UK will be familiar with this slogan advocating the benefits of travelling by rail, and normally it is true. I love train journeys, and often use the east Coast mainline to travel from Doncaster down to London, and then on the Kings Cross. On a recent journey I was all ready to leave home for the station when I realised I could not find my rail tickets. I knew I had them in my possession earlier in the week, so began to serach my bag for them, but to no avail. Puzzled by this unusual display of disorganisation, I asked Evelyn to help me look. She also went through my bag, but couldn’t find them; I checked my desk, my drawers, and other possible locations, but also to no avail. With time running out we decided we had better head for the station and explain what had happened, hoping they could issue a second set. You can imagine that by now ‘panic’ is the best word to describe my response, that and ‘anger’ – not at anyone else but as myself for my incompetency. You see I am always so well organised (I need to be given the amount of travel I do), and I did not like this display of inefficiency one bit. My blood continued to boil as we headed for the station, me at the wheel to make sure we got there as quickly as possible as I had a specific train to catch and time was running out. Once at the station I explained my dilemma at the ticket office, using my most plaintive manner, but without effect. I was told I needed to buy a new set of tickets (costing £70 on top of the original £50), with no refund for the lost tickets. With no alternative I bought the new tickets and after a short wait boarded the train to London, still in somewhat of a stew. After a minute or two to catch my breath I opened my bag just to check …. And almost straightaway found the lost tickets, hidden behind a brochure in one of my files. I had clearly put them somewhere ‘safe’, but that place proved to be too safe. Now I was angry with myself not just for my inefficiency, but also for such a waste of money. Two cardinal sins as far as my conscience is concerned. Two hours later I was in London’s Kings Cross station sipping a latte and mulling over this incident. Several things came to my mind. (1) We create our own stress, not because we make mistakes, but because we respond badly to certain situations. We get them out of proportion, as if it were the end of the world. So I lost my tickets – it’s not the end of the world. It wasn’t as if I had a plane to catch this time, buying a replacement was straightforward, and I arrived on time anyway, so why so much fuss? Easy of curse in hindsight. Most of us have a default position that says PANIC when things go wrong, but not many situations actually deserve a panic response. (2) It took the two hours of the journey for me to slow down, catch my breath and relax again. I was really annoyed with myself and my response, especially for bringing Evelyn into the orbit of my stress. Stress begets stress, doesn’t it, and for some reason we love to draw others into the realm of our distress. There is a perverse comfort in doing that, and it’s not something to be proud of. (3) The hardest thing was to forgive myself for my incompetency and waste of money. My internal critic is quick off the mark when I make a mistake like this, usually accusing me with words like ‘You stupid boy!’ (copied from Dad’s Army?). Eventually I came to terms with my fallibility, put it under the cover of God’s magnificent grace, and allowed myself to stop the self- reproach . But it wasn’t easy. (4) Such moments have much to teach us about ourselves, and our need to be perfect, or in control, or competent or whatever…. I guess they also serve to ‘prick our bubble’ in case we think we have reached some stage of spiritual perfection where we are beyond the reach of such immature emotional responses. They help us, and others, to see that we are still quite human and fallible, despite how God may use us, or how others may view us, or how we may present ourselves publicly. For those who are teachers, leaders, or in the public eye, it is the kindness of God that he occasionally humbles us less we become too big for our boots. Whatever our stage in life, pride remains our greatest and most subtle enemy, and humility our most loyal and closest friend. So that’s the story of my train journey, and one I hope not to repeat again. I’m down to London again next week, but it’s OK I know where my tickets are. I think.

A sparrow, a swallow and a Jack Russell

‘Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young – a place near your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God.’ Psalm 84:3 This verse comes from one of my favourite Psalms, and is also one of my favourite verses. Why? Because it reminds us of the welcome of grace. Sparrows and swallows are, in my experience, both messy and noisy, especially when they are nesting, and it is hugely surprising to me to discover that not only were they allowed in the Jerusalem temple, they were actually welcomed there! The point is this: if God has a welcome for sparrows and swallows, surely he has a welcome for us with all our own messiness and chatter. Rather than be a barrier to keep us away from God, the altar is meant to be a bridge bringing us near to him. We are able to feel at home with God even though we are far from perfect because sin has been dealt with and we are now free to approach a holy God. Grace bids us welcome. Which brings me to the Jack Russell and my recent visit to the Sisters of Bethany, a community of nuns in Portsmouth. I was leading a week long retreat for them, and on the final day we were gathering in the chapel for the second service of prayer for the day (Terce). Most of the nuns were already assembled, and already in a deeply contemplative silence. I myself was just settling down and finding my place in the various prayer books before we began. It was a deeply solemn moment, in a sacred place. However, just at this point into this holy atmosphere came a slightly podgy Jack Russell that clearly had a lot of attitude. He passed to take in his new surroundings, eyeing everything and everyone curiously. It was a surreal moment because there had been no canine presence in the convent before, and I felt sure he was not expected. Having found his bearings, he began to walk confidently towards the altar, at which point I inwardly panicked. ‘Oh no,’ I thought to myself, ‘he’s going to mark out his territory, and he’s going to start with the altar!’ By this time his presence had somehow communicated itself to the Sisters. One by one their eyes opened, their faces revealing surprise at first, and then (thankfully) amusement. Fortunately an Unseen Hand guided Jack away from the altar and he became content to sniff around the prayer stalls and explore his new ecclesiastical environment. Everyone began to laugh now at the incongruity of what was happening, but being the Strong Natural Leader that I am, I felt someone needed to take charge of the situation, so I got up and with the help of one or two others gently encouraged our canine friend to explore some other parts of the house. My talk that morning was about the ‘rhythms of grace’: the balance between giving out and taking in, working and resting, doing and being, and so on. But as I pondered what had happened, I couldn’t help but smile at the humour of God, and added another rhythm – the balance between being serious and having fun, between solemnity and lightness of heart. It seemed as if God was speaking to us that morning through the appearance of the little Jack Russell, about the welcome of grace, yes, but also reminding us that sometimes laughter can be as holy as silence. Life – and Christian ministry - can all get very serious sometimes can’t it, and we need to be relaxed enough to smile and laugh. After all, God has a sense of humour and his presence can be found as much in the comic as in the serious.

PLANS, PLANS, PLANS!

At the start of 2013, during our time of waiting on God, two scriptures came to us. The first was 1John 3:1: How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!’ This speaks about our identity, and we spent the first part of the year unpacking this wonderful truth. The second verse was Jeremiah 29:11, which says: ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord,‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’ This verse reminds us of our calling as a church, and the fact that God has a purpose for us. It was originally spoken to the Jewish exiles in Babylon, to encourage them and remind them that God had not abandoned them. It seems appropriate for us as a church right now during this period of change and transition. GOD’S PLANS - ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. God is a God who loves to plan. Both creation and salvation reflect the planning of God, and so does the life of our church. Nothing happens to us by chance or by accident, and even the unexpected and disappointing events are woven into God’s overall purpose for us. We may not always understand why certain things happen, and we may sometimes feel that we have lost our way, but God speaks to reassure us – he does know what he is doing, and his plans for us still stand. We are invited to trust him in the changes taking place. GOOD PLANS - ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you’ In everything that God does he works for our good, and his plans are birthed in his love. Satan continually seeks to undermine our belief in the goodness of God, suggesting to us that God is les than good. This was his strategy in the Garden of Eden when he tempted Adam and Eve into sin, and he still slanders the character of God, telling us that God does not love us, that his plans for us have failed, or that he has abandoned us. This is why we need to hear this word of encouragement deep in our souls, and to accept the invitation to rejoice in the truth that our God is a good God who desires only to bless us. His plans for us are better than our own! GRACIOUS PLANS - ‘plans to give you a hope and a future’ The promise to the exiles is that after 70 years they will return to their own land. This was a promise of restoration, based upon grace, for they did not earn or deserve such favour. It came true of course, during the time of Ezra and Nehemiah when miraculously the people returned to the Promised Land and rebuilt the temple and the city. This major event in Israel’s history is one of the great salvation events in the Bible that remind us of God’s power to save and redeem. Nothing is too hard for our God. In his own time he will act according to his purpose and we have only to wait for his timing. God will do good for us too, not because we deserve it, but because he is gracious to us. This gives us our hope, and means we can be optimistic about the future. Here is an invitation for us to believe in a bright tomorrow. In the meantime, like Israel, we can focus on knowing God more deeply, which is always God’s priority for his people. The exiles are told to settle down, and find God in the present moment; not to live in the past, feel sorry for themselves or nostalgically remember how things used to be. Hard times can actually become wonderful learning experiences. Even in difficult circumstances we can call upon God, knowing that he will listen to our cry (v12). And we can press on in our spiritual journey, seeking God with all our heart, knowing that when we seek him, he will be found by us (v13). Yes, change has taken place, and it may take us a while to readjust, but we are not alone. God has not left us, and his good plans for us are solid and secure: ‘But the plans of the Lord stand firm for ever, the purposes of his heart through all generations(Psalm 33:11.’ Let us therefore choose to trust God, rejoice in his goodness, and believe him for a bright tomorrow!

Security Alert!

I was flying recently to Belfast from East Midlands Airport. I arrived at the check-in desk in good time, only to be told that the flight was cancelled, and that we would be taken to Birmingham by coach to join a flight from there. We were directed to another counter where our booking was changed and we were given details of where to find the coach. Since there was an hour before it would leave, I bought a newspaper and then went for a coffee and a bite to eat.


Half an hour later I’d finished reading the paper and was thinking of going to stretch my legs when a sudden feeling of anxiety swept over me. It said, ‘You’ve lost something.’ I checked my pockets for the usual suspects – glasses and mobile phone – but both were there. So what had I lost? I glanced at the floor, and there was my rucksack. Whatever could it be? And then a sudden panic-filled realisation: where was my suitcase? It wasn’t with me, so what had happened to it? Had it been stolen? No, I must have left it somewhere, but where?

I got up hastily to begin the search even as the tannoy gave out the usual warning: ‘Do not leave your baggage unattended. Any baggage found unattended will be taken away, and may be destroyed.’ Visions of my precious suitcase being lost forever filled my mind.

I decided to retrace my steps. I knew I hadn’t left it at the airline check-in desk, so maybe it was at the check-in desk for the coach? By this time a long queue had developed there, but I manoeuvred my way to the front, only to be informed that they hadn’t seen it. So where next? The only responsible thing seemed to be to head for Security and confess my carelessness.

‘Excuse me,’ I said sheepishly, and feeling utterly stupid, ‘but I’ve lost my suitcase.’

‘Ah,’ said the official,’ in a superior sounding voice, ‘We’ve just had a report of a suitcase in W.H.Smith’s. Better try there.’

I raced across to the shop, and there standing guard over my suitcase was a burly security guard. ‘I think that’s mine,’ I admitted shamefully. ‘I came to buy a paper and must have left it behind.’ Fortunately he offered no rebuke, just a silent admonition, and I was joyfully re-united with my suitcase.

I sat on a nearby bench and pondered the number of times I have heard that security announcement about unattended baggage, and rather judgementally wondered, ‘What kind of person in this age of terrorist threat leaves a suitcase unattended in an airport?’ Well now I know (and so do you)!

I also thought about why it had happened. Perhaps I had been on autopilot and not really thinking about what I was doing. Maybe I had mentally assumed because I had checked in for the coach, I had actually checked in for the flight, and my luggage had been checked-in too. Maybe it was a ‘senior moment’ extraordinaire. But to lose a suitcase? That takes some doing!

We can all become so busy in life, so focussed on the detail of the moment, that we lose sight of the bigger picture, and thereby lose our grip on some of the most important realities. We can be so busy at work that we neglect our marriage, or our family... so taken up with all we have to do, that we forget to take care of ourselves. And so busy doing things for God that we forget to be with God, and thereby lose our place of abiding in Christ on which our fruitfulness depends.

What might you (or I ) have lost without realising it?

It is said of Samson, a man who had regularly know the Spirit resting on him in great power, that he became so complacent and careless in his walk with God that ‘he did not know that the Lord had left him (Judges 17:20).’ How sad that is. The glory had gone, but in the intensity of his life he didn’t realise what had been lost.

Why not stop for a moment and make sure you have not lost anything from your life in God that is really very important.

Swimmer at Nongsa Point

Here is a meditation I wrote whilst leading a retreat form a group from Singapore on the Indonesian island of Batam.


In the distance a lone swimmer


Gliding effortlessly through the China Sea

At one with the ocean, an oriental mermaid

Relaxed, confident, at ease.

The rhythm of her arms carries her forward,

Left, then right; left, then right,

Hardly a splash, barely a ripple

Gracefully moving on her way.



Suddenly she stops and flips over on her back

And comes to rest,

Head leaning back, legs outstretched, body still,

Suspended, held by the ocean’s strength

Bobbing and swaying in the gentle waves

Buoyant like a cork, floating on the ocean’s skin.

No frantic flaying of her arms to stay afloat,

No desperate kicking of her legs to keep from drowning;

But trust

That she is held and will not sink.



And what of me, dear Lord,

A swimmer in the ocean of your love,

Afloat upon a sea of grace, immense

In length, and breadth, and depth?

Dare I relax in you, and know that I am held?

Give up my frenzied efforts to achieve, to please,

To stay afloat myself?

Lay back my head, find rest at last,

And trust myself to you?

Easter Delights

Without doubt Easter is my favourite time of year. I love the fact that for us in the northern hemisphere our celebration of Easter coincides with Spring and we have the sense of things coming alive again after the harshness of winter. It seems that nature itself is bearing witness to the miracle of resurrection, and the brightening of the evenings fills us with hope and optimism.

This Easter Sunday I will be preaching in my home church, Ackworth Community Church. At the moment I am thinking of simply sharing the five key truths (‘delights’) we celebrate as a result of the Easter event - the combination of Good Friday and Easter Morning. Here they are:

(1) Love has been revealed. It was because God loved the world that he sent his Son to be our Saviour (John 3:16), and the Son himself showed his love by dying for us – ‘greater love has no-one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends’ (John 15:13). We need be in no doubt that God is kindly disposed towards this fallen world, or that we are the objects of his affection. The cross has demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves us, even in our sin and rebellion (Romans 5:8). That is amazing!

(2) Sin has been dealt with. The cross was not an accident or a tragic mistake but the way God chose to deal with sin. There, in the mystery of what we call the atonement, the sin of the world was laid upon the sinless Son of God. There, as our substitute, he willingly bore the just punishment for our sin, offering himself as a once-for-all time sacrifice. Now through repentance and faith we can experience a total forgiveness, be reconciled to God, and be released from guilt and shame. That is staggering!

(3) Satan has been vanquished. Yes, there is a malevolent force at work in the world, but at the cross he was disarmed, defeated and rendered ineffective (Colossians 1:15). Although he did his best to destroy Jesus he failed, and the resurrection proved that Jesus had the victory. Now we share in his triumph, and while we must never treat the powers of darkness lightly, we no longer need to be afraid of them. We share his authority over them. That is mind-blowing!

(4) Death has been defeated. The greatest enemy of all is death. No-one can avoid it, however rich or famous we may be, however strong or resilient we appear. The resurrection of Jesus, however, provides us with the assurance that we who believe shall likewise be raised. The sting of death (fear) has been taken out for it is not the end, only a beginning (1Corinthians 15:54-57). The One who is the resurrection and the life (John 11:25) is the guarantee that though we die, yet shall we live. That is fantastic!

(5) Heaven has been opened. Here is the final joy of Easter – the prospect of spending eternity with our Saviour, and with the Father. Jesus has gone to prepare a place for us, and either through death or at his second coming, he will come to take us to be with him, so that where he is we may be also (John 14:1-3). Heaven will be perfect bliss.... no sorrow, no pain, no more crying, no mourning ; only continual rejoicing in the presence of God (Revelation 21:3-4). That is comforting!

Very simply this is what Easter means to me. Sometimes we drift away from the basics of our faith, and everything gets very complicated. This Easter let’s remember the words of the apostle Paul:
‘For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures,that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures,and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve (1Corinthians 15:3-5).’

That’s it in a nutshell folks. Let’s take hold of these ‘delights’ anew this Easter with all our heart.